Our Chiquita
We need to teach the next generation of children from day one that they are responsible for their lives. Mankind’s greatest gift, also its greatest curse, is that we have free choice. We can make our choices built from love or from fear. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
On Halloween I am thinking about what might happen tonight; while handing out treats to the children, the children’s costumes and excitement, the Halloween fears for our children and the beginning of the holiday season. We all react with some level of anticipation/excitement about this time of year. But I also was reminded of the dread and fear that the holiday season conjures up for those in bereavement.
Is it the fear of our loss and loneliness? Is it our fear of the pain we might feel during this “happiest of seasons?” Or, is it our fear of living without our loved one that actually plagues us?
When in early grief, it is difficult to look beyond the actual experience of our feelings because we tend to believe that the feeling is “happening to us” at the time we’re experiencing it. But, as we move further in our grief process and become more cognizant of our feelings and how they are affecting our life, we come to realize that we can make a choice about “how” we are experiencing the feeling. Further, we have the opportunity to view our feelings from a different level and come to see that our feelings are not merely “happening to us.” We have choices. Do we want to remain in this uncertainty or do we want to move beyond it?
My life has been given a yard stick that demonstrates this process and provides for learning time and time again. We have a 10 ½ years old Lhasa Apso/Long Haired Chihuahua who has been sick her entire life but has chosen to face her life through giving eyes. This all - sacrificing little creature has faced an overwhelming number of procedures, surgeries, hospitalizations, tests, shots, medications and holistic and vitamins regimes, pain flare-ups and has demonstrated an obvious cycle of feelings in her process. Despite her challenges, she continues to attempt to focus her life on my husband and me. Although completely blind now (due to a combination of all the treatments to save her compromised immune system and required canine immunizations that damaged her retinas) she continues to attempt to please us and provide for our comfort and security.
It amazes us to see her maneuver around her familiar territory knowing that her eyes are totally incapable of visualizing it through her sense of sight. She appears fearless in her routine so we have to adjust and accept our momentary inconvenience to accommodate her inabilities. (Supervising bathroom trips outside, sleeping under foot, watching not to trip over her, etc)
Yes, she is totally blind and could be describe as an elderly dog but I have learned much from our little Chiquita. She is not only fearless in her attitude in light of her own adversities but in her choices also. She could have sunken into a path of least resistance and become totally dependent upon us in her journey to blindness. She could have become totally inactive and deteriorated at a faster pace. She could have become very dependent upon us but she chose to allow her disability to strengthen her.
We adopted Chiquita 8 months after Zac died and I know she came into my life for a reason. (As explained in my book Afterlife Agreements: A Gift From Beyond, there are no accidents in this life and she was instrumental in trusting my continuing relationship with Zac) I have learned many lessons from her in this time and I recently recognized a major one that I believe I chose to learn from her. My life has been an evolvement of changes. Many describe it as a journey or a life path but I like to think my life has been continually evolving because of the choices I face daily.
Our little Chiquita has demonstrated a course in movement through fear. I’m grateful I chose to observe and learn from her. I could have allowed my grief to define me. I could have allowed my fears to destroy me. But I chose to allow my fear to strengthen me.
We can learn our life lessons in all life situations if we are open to them. I hope you notice yours and choose love over fear…. Chris
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