Remembering life of long ago...
Death is not a period but a comma in the story of life…Anonymous
Last night my Dad called me and asked me several questions that transported me right back to earlier times in my grief journey. He asked me if my Mom still laughs when I communicate with her on the other side. He asked for two reasons to reassure his mind and sanity. He first wanted to know if she would still have the same personality he’d recognized and because his memory of her was “slipping” and he wanted to be validated. Now this may sound strange but I certainly knew and remembered experiencing what he was questioning.
First of all I told him that my mother’s, like everyone else on the other side has maintained her personality and she still displays and enjoys her wonderful sense of humor. And secondly, I believe, after having this validated by many bereaved parents, that many of us in our grief process seem to “forget” our loved one’s voice, their laughter, their mannerisms, their gestures, etc. Now this is not a deliberate choice that is made or a coping mechanism we employ to endure the pain but I believe it relates more to the missing of our loved one in our grief. Regardless, I knew what he was speaking of since I had experienced this phenomenon too and I thought I knew just what might help him.
I wrote about watching family videos in a previous blog post on June 21,2011 http://afterlifebooks.blogspot.com/2011/06/do-you-watch-videos-of-your-deceased.html but I thought it important enough to repeat the topic. (And because it reminded me that I got distracted last time and never actually made copies of the videos for my Dad then!) Today I pulled out some videos that although I remembered taking them, I had never watched before. We had given my parents a puppy for an anniversary present and Zac was there for the surprise visit. It was such a joy to not only watch “Gussie” and his easy acclimation into the family but it reminded my heart of the wonderful relationship between my Mom and Zac. (I still “see” this relationship between them when I communicate with them now but visually seeing the physical human beings that I knew in this life before is a different kind of comfort)
I did make DVD copies for my Dad but he has not watched them yet so I do not know of his reaction but I know I felt a different kind of calm this evening. Yes, I communicate with my mother and Zac on the other side and everyday I am grateful for this communication and the ongoing relationships that I have been able to continue with them. But, for a little while, I felt like I sat down and had a face to face conversation with them …and I was sad because I missed that….and I miss them.
Be grateful for the little stuff…Chris
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